It looks like we have weathered the worst of the current storm -- both physically and meteorologically! It rained most of yesterday, and woke us up about 2 AM with driving rain, wind, hail, thunder, and the works. Although this morning is overcast, it's not raining. Everything on the back deck that had been protected with tarps is now uncovered, and several items have been blown around.

It took two tries, some Coca-cola (seems to calm his stomach, and my threats to snd him to the hospital where he could get the medication by IV before Ray kept down the antibiotic. We followed that with sitting in a chair (instead of bed) and a heavy dose of nausea medication. With some effort on his part and lots of prayers, it finally all stayed put. This morning he is feeling much better, but still tired. Now we have to make sure he drinks enough water to keep himself hydrated.

Pouring rain, beating on the roof and filling up the creek behind the house. High wind and flood warnings posted for this afternoon and this evening. I am happy as long as it doesn't snow!!

Our Primary Care Physician is out of the office until Thursday. The oncologist is (as ususal) swamped. The on-call for the primary has ordered us antibiotics. Hope they work. Ray is coughing badly whenever he is awake, but its hard to tell if what he is brining up is a result of the bug, or nausea associated with chemotherapy. Meanwhile, I am home today keeping all the pieces together. I was sure that he would have to see a doctor before anything was prescribed .... I keep downing tylenol and zinc tabs and vitamin C, and generally feel better, although am glad I didn't go to Sonora today.

Whatever the bug is that has been nipping at Ray's heels for the last few days is now community property. It FEELS like a cold with sore throat. Responds to zinc. Hopefully, to VitC as well. Guess we'll see the Internist tomorrow. Darn. Didn't need this.

Keep praying!

We were surprised to learn that Ray has a "cold factor" in his blood, which means that if he is given cold blood he will have a reaction. His transfusions must be run throught a blood warmer on the way to his veins, which takes the blood up to at least body temperature. We had seen the blood wawrmer before in the hospital, but did not realize/were not told why it was being used.

He was running a low-grade fever while at the infusion center yesterday -- which the RN attributed to the warm blood being pumped into his body. It is more likely due to the cold bug that has plagued him all week. Cold-eze and cough drops seem to do more than anything else to keep him comfortable.

I was startled to read in last evening's paper of the passing yesterday morning of Louis Aphecetche (say Ah-pah-set-chae), another cancer patient. We know his wife through the Tuolumne Co. Genealogical Society. I had seen Blanche and Louis in the infusion center on Tuesday while Ray was getting his chemotherapy. Louis had come in for a shot. He looked thin, but there was a sparkle in his eyes and he was moving under his own power. His death has slammed home the reality of how quickly and mercilessly cancer can work.

Keep praying!

Not a particularly good day, as Ray spent most of it fighting nausea. He finally took one of the heavy-duty nausea pills in the evening, which has helped. We hope this will get better before it gets worse again, but if the effect is cumulative .... In any case, it is FAR better than the nausea of November and December, 2004. For that we are both thankful. We also hold on to the theory that if he is sick, the treatment is working!

Mild nausea, not really even enough to take pills for. Headache. Voice is coming back. Generally not feeling well. "I don't feel sick, I just feel blah....." Didn't sleep well at night, so slept a lot of the day. Blaming it on "I caught something." rather than chemotherapy. Tomorrow will be better.

2nd chemotherapy treatment was yesterday. He's tired, because I kept him out most of the day, and has laryngitis (we don't know from what!), but otherwise is feeling OK. The Alimpta didn't work to bring his red blood count up, so that is at an end. Instead, he gets two units of whole blood on 2/24. We do what we have to do, and trust God to do the rest. We are both very positive. Keep praying!

There's no hedging today. There is SNOW on the ground, and the driveway will have to be shoveled. Not by Ray. He has caught himself a cold. Either he got bitten by the REALLY cold weather on Thursday (although we were not out too much), or he found someone in the Casino on Friday with a bug. Darn. So its heavy on the zinc tabs, orange juice and anything else with lots of vitamin C, and bed rest for him today. Say prayers. We didn't need this. He is due for he second round of chemotherapy on Tuesday.

Snow. I don't know whether that should be said with enthusiams or disgust! We went to our nearest casino yesterday, some 40 miles down the road (but only 1/4 of that distance as the crow flies across the Tuolumne River). We knew snow was forecast, so went at mid-day with the intention of being home well before the weather closed in. Ha. By 3:30 there was a sugar dusting of snow on everything except the roadways -- so we came home. Just wandering around the casino for a couple of hours was enough exercise to tire Ray out. He is out of bed, eating and socializing, but not moving very quickly.

Fortunately, the snow is light enough today that it is accumulating on the cars, but not sticking on the driveway. No need to shovel out, and this is Saturday of a 3-day weekend. For those of you in snow country, this is exceptionally cold weather for us. We generally have several snow falls in a winter, but seldom have to haul out the shovel more than once a year -- sometimes only in alternate years. You know that snow is not a major issue if you can remember the winters that you had to shovel! Now, if we lived 2 miles up the road, or 500' higher in elevation, that would be a different story.

It's supposed to storm today, with snow down to 1000' (we're at 3000'...), but we have out of town guests and Ray says he is going to the casino. Black Oak Casino, operated by the Tuolumne Band of Miwuks. We shall see if he has to relegate himself to the non-smoking section, and how long he lasts.

Tuesday was another difficult day, but when "difficult" is a day that you can go out alone, run errands, visit friends, take one pill and a nap ... How much better than weeks on end of nausea so bad you cannot keep anything on your stomach, and can barely get out of bed!! Those days may be coming again, but for now we will enjoy what we have.

By yesterday, Ray was up and moving, looking much more like himself, able to eat "comfort food". Even the juice comibnations are improving. Cabbage and cucumber aren't bad if you add carrot and apple instead of parsley!

Ray says planning something specific keeps him from thinking about cancer. So he is planning another trip. He has talked for years about going to Rapid City, South Dakota. Well, not exactly Rapid City; we had to look at a map to find out that was osur general destination. He wants to see Mt. Rushmore and the historic places in that general area, all associated with the struggles between Native Americans and whites as the American government pushed its way across the Rocky Mountains. This will be a challenge to make happen. No trains. Few busses. Fewer airports. Lots of miles to cover.

I was reminded yesterday while writing to another cancer patient that chemotherapy must be a cumulative treatment. Therefore, when Ray says he gets tired more easily, that ought to be a natural part of his body (1)dealing with the poison that is the drug and (2) working at killing the cancer. At least that is how the optomist has to see it. I am reminded of a quote from Bob Dylan: "He who is not busy living is busy dying." Yes, the context is different, but the result is the same. We have to be busy living, and thanking God each day for the goodness added to our lives in the previous 24 hours. Otherwise, we die.

Thanks be to God!

A whole day out is always tiring, so you can bet that Ray will spend the next day just being lazy. It was like that on Friday -- almost ever time he sat down, he fell asleep! It's a shame to miss the spring-like weather we've had this week, but it's important to listen to the body.

Ah, the juicer. Ray's comment: "If I'd know the juice would taste that good, I would have had a juicer a long time ago!" That was on apples, carrots and oranges. Now it is time to experiment with new flavors.

Quiet day. Itchies going away. Re-washed LOTS of clothes and bedding.

Had dinner guests last night, and Ray ate along with us. He eats less, but enjoyed his meal. Will have to do this more often.

Ray stayed at home yesterday while I went off to Sonora, a typical Monday pattern. He says he sat and itched, thought about how at home he feels in Hawaii, and how isolated he sometimes feels here in Groveland -- especially when he is housebound. He said, "I supposed I could have gotten into the truck and gone into town, but I didn't feel like driving."

Benadryl helps the itching. Your emails, phone calls and visits help his feeling of isolation. Keep 'em coming!

I am reminded of a sales philosophy we learned many years ago that says in part,"I never see failure as failure, but onlly as a learning experience." The current learning experience is DON'T CHANGE THE LAUNDRY SOAP!!! I tried. The new bottle was pretty and purple, and the scent is suggestive of tropical and polynesian. We've used unscented laundry soap for years ... apparently with good reason. Ray's whole body core broke out in an itchy rash as soon as he put on clothes washed in the new soap. We HAVE to laugh. And go back to the old, unscented stuff.

It was a dreary day, foggy and cool. We ventured into town to the post office, pharmacy and grocery store -- and the nausea hit. Ray was genuinely miserable. Once home, he took a nausea pill (one of the mild ones), and within a half-hour his stomach had settled down. He still wasn't ready to eat a big meal, but strawberries with cream were GOOD!

He's eating salad, tomatoes, and --- hamburger helper. Sweets are still good, but he acknowledges he cannot live on sweets. Fresh strawberries were good yesterday. So are eggs and bacon. He's drinking bottled water, V-8 juice, and coke. Everything in small quantities. At least he can still eat, and he says he is still at least 90% better than he was with the concurrent radiation and chemotherapy. And he is still driving. NOT driving for all those months was hard on both of us. We keep looking up and praying.

The appetite is going -- nothing tastes good. Well,we can aways resort to Boost/Ensure/Slimfast again to keep him nourished, or he can just force himself to eat properly to keep nourished. We take this as an indicator that the chemotherapy is at work, and that his next treatment will be due about the time he begins to perk up.

Ray spent a quiet day yesterday reading and puttering at routine household chores. He says he is still a little tired, but not tired enough to stay in bed. He just doesn’t have a lot of energy. In the late afternoon he put out the garbage cans, and was coughing noticeably when he came back to the house. Exercise? Cold air outside? He says his stomach is a little rocky, but not bad enough that he had to take anything for nausea. So far, he is much better than with previous treatments.

Now tell me, why should one feel guilty about feeling good? Ray said yesterday. “I almost feel guilty because I am not sick.” Then he added, “They told me in 2004 that the sicker I felt, the better the chemotherapy was working.” We pondered that. “There must be a cumulative effect,” we decided. As the medication builds in his system he will probably feel sicker. Meanwhile, he’s a little tired, and was happy to spend yesterday with a good book, but his appetite has not been affected! He’s not really into exotic, but basic comfort foods – and munchies – taste very good. He enjoys being out (but not for too long) and visiting. Emails and phone calls are good. We give thanks for each good day.