Acting on his commitment on Monday afternoon to transition back to the "real" world, Ray went out today and walked -- just a little, but some. Then they went to breakfast. It was awkward day to begin -- he woke up feeling horribly nauseous and never felt really great all day. But he TRIED, and it WORKED and he is pleased.

Give thanks! Keep praying.

Today reminded us of two things. Ray NEEDS to eat at regular intervals, and Ray CANNOT allow himself to get overtired. We ignored both rules today, and he has suffered for hours with bounts of nausea, etc. between short periods of feeling good. This happens with great regularity. Don't eat? Get sick. Get overtired, get sick.

What happened today? We went to a softball game. It wasn't too far away -- over at the Standard Ball Field, just outside of Sonora. Our oldest granddaughter was up from Manteca playing in a tournament, and we wanted to see her play. On the way home we stopped to see a pregnant cousin and her visiting mother. We had solved the eating problem, but didn't take into account the need for rest. Will we remember the next time? Good question.

Give thanks! Keep praying!!

I asked Ray what he wanted to do this morning, and he responded without batting an eyelash, "NOT go to the doctor." At precisely that moment the telephone rang. It was the doctor's office -- doctor got called out on an emergency this morning, and the late appointments in the afternoon have all got to be re-scheduled. The next available appointment was June 6th -- Ray's 60th birthday. We took it. Meanwhile, you know everything we know about the status of his cancer and what will happen next.

How do you like that? He will be 60 on 06/06/06!

Give thanks! Keep praying!!

It's interesting to watch what happens as household dynamics change. One of our 'big kids' -- our own children were alwasy younger than the assorted foster kids, so we began referring to our big kids and our little kids -- has begun dropping in fairly frequently. He's been around the county ever since he was with us some 18 years ago, but never visited while he was deep into the drug culture. Now that he's trying to be clean and sober, he's coming back. For approval? For company? For support? We never know. But when he is here, Ray perks up. Is it a male bonding thing? Someone to talk about the things you enjoy doing, someone who can help you with the heavier tasks that you always did and can't do right now? Is it a REASON to eat at the dinner table rather than at a TV tray? Whatever the reason, it makes a difference.

Please pray for Jeff, that he will find the strength to remain clean and sober. Give thanks for at least one good thing that has happened in your life in the last 24 hours. Keep praying!

Ray is having a difficult time accepting the scana results. He was counting on the cancer being gone, so its continued presence is a disappointment -- even with one tumor shrinking "significantly" and everything else remaining unchanged. He can't get around the "it's still there" to the good news of "it's not growing".

The weather is not helping. It's raining today, and thunder storms are predicted for this afternoon.

Keep praying! Give thanks for your blessings, and for ours as well.

It is just past noon. Surprisingly, the Oncology RN from the Infusion Center just called with the results of Ray's PET scan. Short of the cancer being gone altogether, this is the best possible news. The lung tumor is significantly smaller. The liver tumor has not grown, but it is not any smaller (it was small to begin with). There are new new metastatic sites. Thanks be to God!

This is a stubborn disease. We will just have to figure out who is stronger, Ray+Dr. Drakes+God or The Cancer. We see Dr. Drakes in one week to determine what happens next.

Give thanks!!! Keep praying! The battle isn't over yet.

We're off to Modesto today for The Scan, the diagnostic procedure that will tell us if all this chemotheraphy has had any effect on Ray's cancer. He's terrified that they will tell him it did no good.

Yesterday's blood work showed that his red cell count is still low, but not low enough to justify more transfusions. He looks pale, but some of that can abe remedied just by getting outside occasionally.

Pray for miracles. Give thanks!

Little by little, day by day -- we look for the tiniest differences that suggest Ray is back on the Recovery Road. Like waking up with more coughing than nausea. Like being able to stay UP all day, rather than taking two naps, or (worse yet) not having any interest in getting out of bed at all. Like being willing to go out into the world for something other than a doctor's appointment. Like welcoming guests once again. Like taking on one or two of the simple household tasks, rather than expecting someone else to do EVERYTHING. Like taking some responsibility for his own healing, hard though it might be.

So we give thanks and praise as each tiny step is taken, and keep praying that more will come.

Give thanks! Keep praying!!

Ray almost didn't go out yesterday. Just as we were ready to go out the door, he was hit by a nasty attack of nausea. But as he put it, "I knew that I needed to get out, and if I allowed myself to stay home and be sick I would miss this step towards getting better."

Our destination was the advertised "Indian Market" at Black Oak Casino in Tuolumne City. I was focusing on 'market'. Ray, it turns out, was focusing on 'casino'! I should have known better. To encourage their 'regular' patrons to come back more often, the Casino recently sent out coupons, etc. for discounts and bonus points on your Player's Card. That was just the excuse Ray needed to get me inside. Once there, it took 4 hours to get him back out -- including the time we took for a very pleasant lunch in the coffee shop. But he paid his own way, including a generous at a $.05 machine. It wasn't enough to make us rich, but paid for the day out with a little left over.

We wish all the mothers in the world a Happy Mother's Day! Rejoice! Give thanks!! Keep praying!

The BRAT diet resolved the diarrhea problem, and we seems to have established that, at least for this week, scrambled eggs are upsetting Ray's stomach. Darn. That was one of the 'old reliables', a nourishing food that we could count on his being able to eat. Despite all the setbacks, the general trend is that Ray feels a little better every day.

The sun is out, everything in the world is blooming, and the grass is growing about a foot every two days. If we don't find someone to do the weed-eating soon, it will overtake us altogether. The fire people are talking about a nasty fire season.

There is an Indian Market in Tuolumne City, across the river from Groveland. It's only about 8 miles as the crow flies, but closer to 30 by road. Ray would like to try going. At worst possible case, we will have a pleasant drive --- at $3.44/gallon. What's gasoline selling for in your part of the world?

Give thanks! Keep praying!!

We're disappointed. Today was supposed to have been the trip to Modesto (60 miles down the road) for the all-important PET/CT scan to see how the cancer has responded to chemotherapy. But I came home yesterday to find Ray plagued by severe diarrhea. Getting from Groveland to Modesto would be problematic. Drinking 2 liters of the barium solution and then lying perfecting still for a 2-hour scan would be impossible. So we have had to put the scan off for another week. Meanwhile, he's on what our internist refers to as the BRAT diet: bananas, rice, applesauce and toast.

Ray was feeling sooo good. Now he's droopy again, with a fussy stomach that doesn't want to hold anything down, and a scratchy throat. Darn. Today we go for another blood test -- this time to Sonora. He has chosen not to go back to the clinic in Groveland. He was really unhappy at the attitude of the phlebotomist there last week. It was a reminder of why we have not seen doctors in Groveland since the mid-1980's. Hopefully he will not need any more blood this week.

Once again each day is a little better than the day before, and THIS week we don't have another round of chemotherapy to look forward to, beating Ray down one more time. THIS week, we can look forward to his getting better and better until he is strong enough to lead a reasonably normal life instead of the life of an invalid. Thanks be to God!!

Please keep praying. Give thanks!

Today California celebrates Cinco de Mayo, but not as an official holiday. In Hawaii, as in Japan, it is Boys Day. That's the day you see all the paper carp flying from poles at each house, honoring the men in the household.

Ray is a little better every day. I'm running out.

Keep praying.

Yesterday was as good day for Ray, but I was someplace else -- working in Sonora. Today Ray feels good, well enough to go with me into Groveland for the daily errands. But the weather is overcast and cool (mid-50's) -- not the warm, inviting-you-to-come-out-and-play, sunny days we had earlier in the week. It's more conducive to a quite, curl-up-with-a-good-book or -a-good-movie day. Nevertheless, each good day is welcomed, and we give thanks.

Keep praying!

This week's blood test was within normal limits. No transfusions this week! Thanks be to God!!

The PET/CT scan will be May 11. We should know how the tumors have responded by the following Monday.

Keep praying. Give thanks!

Ants in the cat food -- yuck. A call to the pest control service solved that problem, but created another. Would Ray be safe amidst the extra spraying? We quickly ruled out any indoor work, and hope the outside treatment alone -- with all the windows tightly shut -- will be enough to deter the ants.

The 'feeling better' comes in such tiny steps they are almost imperceptible. One day he feels good enough to sit up. Two days he just wants to stay in bed. One day there's no nausea problem. Another day there is. Then the allergies hit -- I notice this morning that the live oaktree outside the bedroom window is in bloom -- with more sinus drainage, and therefore more stomach issues.

Today he's into Groveland for the weekly blood test. This time, we're going to have them put a blood bank band on him just in case. If he NEEDS another transfusion, the lab in Sonora can type and cross on this sample without another draw.

Pray that the chemotherapy is doing its job. Pray that the anemia problem is resolving. Pray for all those who are fighting cancer today. Give thanks for life!